Good Morning Sunshine,my advice for today

It is a great new day here in the sunny state of Maine. I woke up with the sun and waiting to wake up a bit more to go for my walk of the day. I made a promise to my primary doctor that I would walk everyday for thirty minutes. The days it rains it is hard for me to keep up with doing my walk because the cold and wet weather makes my chronic pain hurt. I then have to do self care and allow my body to take it easy no matter how much I beat myself up for not going out to walk for the day. I try to find videos that kinda make me feel good and boost my spirit. I know that it can be hard for me to inspire myself but I try. I do have alot more experiences in being a victim of abuse and how to be creative through my crafts.
I spent my life dealing with abuse of all kinds and the way I have dealt with all the pain is through my crafts and my love of animals. I have though never closed my heart or held a grudge. I try to explore and sometimes I start thinking logically on things and try to find out why things happen. I always want to be sensible and I try to be open to the answer even when it doesn't make sense. I rather be honest with someone than hide. I may sometimes try to over explain things instead of keeping it simple and tell someone all they need to know without hurting them more. I do feel sometimes I need to explain the whole thing in order for someone to understand. I have done this with my kids and sometimes I think that people who hurt me should explain to me why they have done what they have done.
I mean I just want my mom to accept me and to accept change. I feel at times she thinks her way is the best way. She ain't perfect no one is. No one has all the answers. Everyone makes mistakes even myself and I try to own up to them. I never give up on her but until she can accept change I have been avoiding her to stay away from the stress she causes for me. I know my kids do not understand why since they live with her. They have been raised the same way I was and my siblings. But I know if I am patient they want to hear my side of things. There is always hope and I believe in it very much.
I avoid stress because it can make me sick. Your body and mind are connected in every which way. When you do not listen to all parts of you, you can make yourself worse by not taking complete care of your body,mind and soul. You need o find ways to take care of yourself in every way whether it is through medications, exercise,crafts and hobbies. You can even find alternatives such as guided meditations, yoga, and just taking a walk. Do what feels good to you. Take care of yourself. Don't let the world or anyone get you down because you are worth being happy. We all want to live along happy life so we need to take care of our whole selves not just part of us.

My morning input on life

It is Wednesday here in Maine and it is wet and rainy today. I am almost finished with my latest projects of the spit up cloths (towels) I am working on with the babies names stitched on them by hand with designs. I am going to post pics of them soon. I hate this kinda weather because I feel my pain hurting and my mood kinda gets down. I try to keep a positive outlook though it may seem hard. I still open the shades and the window a crack to allow the day to enter. I sit and take it easy . I allow myself to self care by just taking it easy. You do have to learn to self care an learn that your body does know what it needs. I hate when I beat myself up for not walking but I know when it is warmer and nice out I can take that daily morning walk. I do however like days like this to reflect on things and prioritize what I need to do and think of what I can get done while I feel stuck in my house. It is nearly he end of the month so got to make sure I need to do when my check is here Friday and got to start budgeting to pay bills and make sure I and my husband knows what needs to be paid and what we need for the month. This way I can see if I can get new supplies for new jewelry ideas and new cross stitching projects. I feel it is hard to get people to see and order things from me. I hope everyday for someone to take a chance and like what I do. I do not know really how to start a business but I try no matter what. The cheapest place to get supplies in a hurry would be go to Wal-mart or going to Micheal's when there is a sale. But I got to say fusion beads has good deals and so doesn't fire mountain too. I take the inspirations for my jewelry and craft projects from what I see in dreams. I try not to do the same pattern twice I try to make each as unique as the people who may wear it or have it as a keep sake. There are no two people alike so everyone should have something special for them. I love people and I love making people smile. I would love to help and teach people the things I can do and come up from my mind. I hope with doing that it awakens their own imagination and creativity within themselves. Everyone has a creative mind it just needs to be awakened inside them . I feel if you encourage and show people then you will be amazed at the beautiful stuff people can make together like a beats that meld together to make a beautiful melody. So if anything today stay positive no matter the weather outside and if you have to do some self care. Don't let the weather get you down lift your spirit up and then you shall feel the warmth of the sun in your heart.

My inspirational input from my experiences

Today, I got up and felt like the world had opened a new chapter in my life. I was asked if searching for a woman to be with would improve my marriage and I am not sure unless I see because I know"MY HUSBAND LOVES ME". He sometimes can not emotionally connect on a level I need. I am a bi sexual woman and with the emotional connection a woman can give sometimes no matter how hard a man can not always meet you on that level of connection.

My husband suffers from a disease called Fragile X syndrome which makes things complicated for him to comprehend the things that are happening in life. I have o be here for him and sometimes I know no matter how he tries he can't always be there for me. So I feel that need of connection for me in order to be complete as myself. I have now decided I need to have that as well as being here for him. He is willing to let me explore this alternative to see if it will improve our marriage.

Unless you are true to yourself you can never be true to anyone else. If you hide behind a cloak of darkness then you are not really being seen by you or anyone. You need to open up and let that light of life shine on you and be yourself . Do not let anyone put you down because you are different whether it be gender, sexuality , race or even age. Age is just a number and well race is just a skin color. It don't matter we all feel the same . We all bleed the same way when we are cut. 

The only thing holding us down in society is ourselves because that is how we all were raise. It is time to break the patterns of what our parents and their parents before them. Sometimes there is a better way but we all need to open up and see the whole picture instead of the nice little picture painted by someone else. 

We  need to tell our own stories in our own words from how we see things because we are the ones who know why we chose what we have done. When told by someone else they only have what they see from their eyes not from inside us.

Can you open up and face the world and show the world you are individual? I know everyone's life at times feels like a hurricane and spinning out of control. It is when you finally hit the center of it that you need to stand up and say enough . We do not have to take living our lives as the people before us. We are free and we were born that way. Being human means you were created to make mistakes and learn from them because no one is perfect. If everyone was perfect life would be dull and lifeless. There would be no individuality and there would not be free will because we all would like and do the same thing day after day.

Our lives are decided from the choices we have made. It is hard to break a pattern once started. You will sometimes feel alone but you will be fine as long as you stand up for you and your life. Your individuality is a important thing to have. BE YOURSELF DON"T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. 

Everyone needs to stand up and be heard. We are important. We are free. We are independent and We are human. I think  peace should be like the song "Contagious Love". We can have it together if we give it a chance.

I feel empowered by exploring and taking a chance at being myself . I am not going to hide me anymore I am coming out from under the blanket I have been under and say "I am here and I am proud to be me. So stand by me or go away". I am gonna keep voicing and maybe I can make a difference by letting people hear me the way I see things and maybe empower someone else to stand up with me. Lets all try being one big happy family by empowering each other to make peace and help one another.

my life inspiring expieriences

It is the afternoon kinda boring Memorial Day which is kinda dragging out. I am sitting here just trying to motivate myself to start my crafts and get them done. I met a woman from a ad I placed on craigslist not thinking anyone would answer my ad. I am not unhappy in my marriage it just has not completed me in a way of feeling whole. I have struggled my whole life with being a bi f. I never had the courage to act upon my interest in woman since I have admitted to myself and everyone that I am bi. I am proud to be able to be accepted for me and no one else by my husband and some of the family that do actually show their active support and love for me. I have not been able to find a way to tell my children yet but they at the moment do not need to know unless they were living with me then I would try to explain it in a professional way with someone  present that could help them understand. There is just something about a woman can give you things a man can't and a man can give you somethings woman can't. but this all stems from the abuse I took as a child growing up. I forgave the people that hurt me even if I have not forgotten my soul feels so much more free since I forgave them not for them but for me to be free in life. I can remember the hurt but I do not hold a grudge because it is not worth my time or effort. I know I have many things to do in this life than waste my emotions on that. I do have a better understanding of acceptance of things that stem from many years of therapy which took sometime to be accepting of the change from the help I received. 

I  know growing up mostly with a single mom and her having her own challenges to deal with I can understand the reason for some of her actions but,confused by her nonacceptance of seeing things I see through my eyes. I know she was abused as a child and she had to grow up early than she liked to. She married my dad at the tender age of 16 yrs old and my father was 27 yrs old. I have seen a repeat of my childhood by watching my mom raise my children the same exact way I was. Do not get me wrong I love my mom but do not like what she is doing and the choices she has made in her life lately. I sometimes regret the decision of bringing my children up here to live with her instead of them being in foster care in Pennsylvania 10 yrs ago. They were in foster care due to my second husband leaving bruises on my son and the Child Protective service of Beaver County thinking I could not protect them. I even when they did the determination that night they were taken I asked for everything I could in order to make me and him better parents for them. He did not love me enough to go against his father( not his biological one) who loved to control every aspect of our lives from work to personal and family. But getting off the subject My mom doesn't accept me for being bi because she doesn't understand how I can love two people at once. I tried to explain it but like most parents not willing to listen and understanding of things.  I do not need her approval but family has always been important to me no matter what a family member has done to me. I let it go even if I can't forget life is way to short.

If everyone held a grudge against someone all their lives they miss out in the most important events in their families lives such as births,deaths,reunions and marriages. I am not saying I would not be upset with someone for alittle while but I always want to find a way of forgiveness and move one through the pain. Why would anyone want to miss out on such big family events or lose a friendship over something totally foolish. It is easier to forgive but maybe not to forget things. There is alot of help out there you have to be willing and wanting it. Once you do accept and ask for help then the healing can begin in your heart.But, you have to be open to it and really want it because the help won't work unless you accept it with arms and heart wide open.

I have lost so much because some of my family has held grudges, anger and judgement. I love them no matter how they feel about me or what has happened in my life. I mean someone can paint a nice picture of things and twist words around like a pretzel. Unless, you have the story from the one it is about you then have a nonfiction story written by a third person and not told in the first person. The main character knows it best when told by the first person then you can see why they made the choices they made. Everyone's life has a beginning a middle or climax and an open ending because that has not been foretold yet. The reason it continues it is because when you have children your story becomes their story and so forth.  My mom is good picture and story teller so no one knows the truth about my life. I am real. I am bi. I have 2 children. I have been married now 3 times. I have been abused in every way possible except for parental and grandparent. I am not saying I want to in anyway. I am so happy about talking to this woman from New Hampshire.

I have other things I deal with on a daily basis but control with some help of medications and great support from doctors, caseworkers and counselor.I hope some of this helps someone but it is always good to be open to others. Always be open and honest with anyone you work because if you do not you are only doing half the work of getting better you will be stuck in limbo and not feel whole inside.

My Life inspirational moments

Today I am starting off the day with a walk  I took through the neighborhood where I live. It was quiet when I went out and got some inspiration by clearing my mind. I listen to music with an up beat which kept me at a good pace as I watched the squirrels and the birds and enjoyed the smell of the lilacs in the air. This always helps me creativity process when I feel blocked or overwhelmed with so many ideas. I am working on a cross stitching piece for my cousin's babies. I almost have them complete. I took a towel that was for cross stitching in which I  took a cookie cutter for a basic shape and a stencil for the letters. The colors I did were ones I felt fit the personalities of my cousins. I am willing to make these towels for anyone if they contact me by dreamtigeress94@yahoo.com. I will be charging $25 for the towel $5 for each one shipping and handling fee. I will discuss payment methods if you contact me in an e-mail. I do still make jewelry as well with the inspiration of day to day things. I feel that your environment can inspire you when you are blocked. You should always go with whats in your heart because it can never steer you wrong. If you are making something specific for someone then you should see if you can be inspired by what you know of them. If you do anyone will love your design no matter what because you caught their essence. My tip for beads is go to www.fusionbeads.com which has no shipping fees. Fire Mountain is a great place and wonderful selections of all kinds of beads and stones. They both have everything you need for your projects. If you need stuff right now and do not want to wait then go to Micheals or Wal-Mart near you and you can find some great deals on all your craft needs. I post these as ideas I have done recently I will post a finished look of the baby towel soon. Let Mother Nature and your heart inspire you always.