Taking care of yourself

two weeks ago at the beach walk with my children luke and tabitha

me at the drs office mondayJune 10th 2013

me on my walk for my appointments monday June 10th 2013

me holding cain june 11 2013visiting my cousin and her new addition Cain

 june 11 2013

Taking care of Yourself is hard when You are a Mother.

I know for me it is foreign in order to take care of myself first before everyone else. We all try to put ourselves first in order to be able to take care of the people we love. We all struggle with putting ourselves before our family and people we care about. If we can not take care of ourselves how can we take care of who we love? It is a question we do ask ourselves and something we know we were taught that we took care of everyone and put ourselves last as woman. When we were young we saw our mothers taking care of everyone except themselves. Well I have been learning if I can not take care of me how can I expect myself to take care of the ones I love. i do struggle with the guilt of not doing what I was brought up thinking was the way you should do it. I know with my health it is hard for me to be there all the time for the people I love and I beat myself up inside because I am not thinking of others first. I was asked yesterday  "what does guilty mean to me?" I replied to my caseworker I had no words but the feeling of being nauseated, dizzy, getting a migraine and feeling anger within myself. She told me that was the feeling of being anxious about the unknown of spending time with my mom and keeping my mouth shut and not interrupt her way of correcting my son because she knows best basically. I told my mom I wanted to go with them to visit relatives that lived in New Hampshire because I haven't seen them in so long. I wanted to spend time with atleast my son since my teenage daughter did not want to go. I had to allow myself to back out last night in order to take care of me. I was just not ready to do that kind of trip even though I said I wanted to go and I was gonna be at my mother's apartment ready to go today at 1 pm. I had to leave a brief message saying that I was not ready for that long of a trip yet and that I appreciated that she was helping me and she was gonna take me with them on that trip. See in all my mom stresses me out beyond belief and I end up really sick and can not even get out of bed for days. I also go into a deep depression from breaking a promise because when I give my word it is like me promising something and I do not break a promise unless I have a good reason. I feel in my head I feel guilty that I gave my word and because I needed to take care of me in order not to go through an episode of being sick after being away for a weekend with no possibility really to get away from here to reclaim my thoughts and emotions. We all got to learn that if we do not take care of ourselves in the end how can we be there for our children. We need to allow ourselves to be healthy or we won't be here and won't be able to be around for them or anyone for that matter. No one wants to really be around sick people when they can actually in all in all get better if they allow themselves to take care of themselves so they can live a strong healthy life. I am happy that I can live with myself when I can think for myself and not as my mom wants me to think. I am strong even when I am weak. I am going to use I am statements to empower myself .I do most of the time but sometimes it is hard to say I am statements so if it something I feel hard at first I say to myself I am going to atleast try it even if it hard. I can always try again.

here is a great saying I find encouraging:

“You try you fail. You try you fail, But the only real failure is when you stop trying." ---Haunted Mansion

*A Disney movie if you pay attention closely to the more positive messages in it an do not what everyone looks for the perverted things that manage to somehow slip in due to upset employees trying to get back at the for something or because they just want to be jerks and ruin things for others. Those people need to grow up and support positive messages Disney is trying to get across.*                                                                                                                                           we should try to pay attention to what they are saying in most positive way.